Why do I feel drawn to sea glass that has made it to the shore?
Maybe because its edges are soft. Those edges that once were sharp and can be touched now.
Maybe it’s because it’s has been broken. It has served a purpose or maybe many different purposes and unexpectedly broke. Or maybe it was intended to break all along. Somehow ended up in the vast ocean. It got hit hard by many different waves. It got hit hard many times. Maybe it was countless times.
Some waves might have taken it to the abyss where there is no light, nonetheless there is still life.
Maybe I am just a little piece of sea glass that has made it to the shore, somehow.
Even when they choose me, have I mattered?
I am drawn to the deep questions, always. What’s beyond the pain of heartbreak and rejection? When my love cannot be met in the ways I so desperately wish for, I circle back to the question: have I mattered? Has the connection left an imprint on their heart?
Perhaps by speculating, I try to appease the pain of not knowing. And truly, it depends on the day those speculations are formed — some days they support the hope that I have mattered, and on others, they suggest the opposite: that the feelings were only a projection of my own, and that I have not mattered.
But what if it was neither one nor the other? Why does it have to be all or nothing in my mind? Why not the space in between — where I have mattered, but people cannot always meet me halfway for very valid reasons?
What if I have left an imprint in ways I’m not able to grasp, since in matters of the heart, things are rarely simple? And how about the effect on this person’s life? What if they don’t choose me — but in return, I am forever changed?
Curiositie(s)
I am curious about all the initiatives you took that got you here when you could not access steadiness.
I am curious about the choices you made that allow you to connect deeper with your breath.
I am curious about the space in which the initiatives were born and the space in which the agency was formed.
Tell me about those, and then let me love you even more!
Luego, aun cuando difícil es la tarea, comienzo de nuevo con acciones de desapego, porque en el momento en que entendí que es más doloroso aferrarse a un deseo que aceptar el impacto de un desprecio, aprendí que lo que me corresponde a mí es forjar un nuevo comienzo.
“Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong,” is from the poem “Sweet Darkness” by the Irish poet and author David Whyte
I have once again ventured to the deep ocean. An ocean so deep that it requires the strongest of strokes to be performed to stay afloat.
The strokes I have learned by going back into the unknown.
You wondered if it gets easier to stay afloat. It is not. Many times I have been lost. I have shivered and frozen. And in that frozen state, I have lost hope. I have wondered why it is so difficult to stay afloat.
Answers I do not fully know. Buy maybe the deep ocean knows, and most definitely my heart knows. My heart knows how to find the perfect stroke for the huge waves the ocean has in store. My heart knows when it is impossible to go against the current, the wind, and the storms.
You have wondered, and I have wondered if it gets easier and why it is so difficult to stay afloat. Well, my heart knows, and its wisdom has carried me through it all.
Relatos 